I have long been under the assumption that life beats one up simply by living. Because of genetics, environment, and anomalies, some people are able to respond better to the beatings than others. Some would say this is the natural selection of evolution while others say it is by intelligent design. I really don’t care about that argument. What I do care about is that there are a lot of hurt people simply because they live. Add in all the hurts that comes from humans interacting with each other and you’ve got a mess.
Well this week is a mess of a week for me. I want to be delicate about the information I share because the relationships that have been damaged or severed are real people who I care deeply about. There is even a slim chance they might read this and I do not want them to feel like I am attacking them. I have experienced a lot of hurt over these situations and I am sure they do as well. However, hurt and responding to hurt are apart of growing, albeit a very painful part.
A friend of 7 years told me yesterday our friendship was over. Well that is not completely accurate. We play an online game together where we are friends. I noticed that one of my friend slots was lacking yesterday when I logged in to the game. I went on Facebook and saw that he responded to a political link I shared in an unpleasant way. I also noticed that we were no longer friends on Facebook. I sent him a message asking if the link is why we were no longer game/Facebook friends. He confirmed it was. He told me if I didn’t change my point of view that “I honestly don’t want to be friends.” We messaged back and forth a little longer. We both want each other to have good lives. Neither of us wish the other any ill will. It came down to my view on a political issue was a breaking point for our friendship. There was no misunderstanding between us. He is a good man who loves and takes care of his family. Despite not living in the same state, we have had the pleasure of eating together and breaking bread on a couple of occasions. We both had a common interest in our game and Star Wars. So for it to break down because of my stance on an issue hurts.
One of the reasons this hurts is because I kind of like having friends with viewpoints that are completely different than mine. They help keep me in check. Honestly, it would be disturbing for me if everyone thought the same way about anything. I feel like having friends with diverse views allows me to experience the world in unique ways. I know that I approach the world differently and therefore there is a chance (or even likelihood) that I rub people the wrong way because they think I am contrarian for the sake of being contrarian. I’m not.
The other day I had a work issue. Something negative came up between me and a friend. On my side, it was a losing situation. My friend (I think/hope we are still friends) felt betrayed by an action I made to resolve the negative issue. I have been told by a co-worker that the issue is now resolved and that the friend now understands but I have yet to feel any impact of resolution. I am unable to give specifics, but I can say that at best, my friendship with this person is fractured at best. Who knows if everything will work out? I hope it does.
Something I am continually told by people is that they appreciate my friendship because I am honest with them. That always strikes me as strange. Are there friends out there that are not honest? I mean, I try to practice honesty in all my life and not limit it only to friends. Sure, this causes problems, but I like the feeling of problematic being honest more than being dishonest without problems. Even being honest hurts at times. I don’t lie to people’s faces or behind their backs – mostly because I do my best to never lie. Some people have told me that I seek conflict by being honest. Well… I guess that could be true. I think it might be better to look at it as by seeking to be honest, I find conflict.
I do get angry at times. My pride and ego do get hurt. My sense of self and identity get threatened and I want to react in the most viscous of ways. But if I give it a few hours, I usually realize that there are very, very few people out there who make it their goal to hurt others. I generally do not associate with the ones that do – and I definitely do not consider the ones that do as friends. I forget that other people do not see the world the world like I do; likewise, I do not see the world the way they do.
My ramblings. I hope you add value to your friendships. Please do not underestimate their value in your life. The friendship may one day be severed, and you might not have any way to repair it. Peace.