I know that I do not publish as many blogs as I would like, but I do write several.  Some are incomplete with no interest to finish them.  Some are complete, but inappropriate.  Most of my thoughts are open source, but my attitudes when expressing some are not.  If I feel that I am writing for the purpose to cause pain to a person or group, I do not publish my thoughts.  The rare times that I do, I usually delete it as quickly as possible.  I personally do not see my blog or Facebook as my dumping grounds.

This does not mean I will never post anything negative, but those posts serve to elicit other responses.  I try my best not to gripe in social media.  I do that enough in my other platforms.  My goal is for people to think, act, or be entertained.  I don’t like posting what I think to be corny, even if it might be helpful.  However, I will post things that may be corny that I have personally found helpful.

Why not just post my thoughts, regardless of the attitude?  Well, I work in an environment of miserable people.  It is a condition that affects me more than I like.  Then I see some of the same thing on Facebook and I just become sad.  There is already enough negativity in my world.  And most of it comes from the whole #firstworldproblems kind of issues.  Believe me, I have my own stupid issues, but there are some crazy things coming from peoples fingertips into cyberspace.  Not everything has to be positive, but there are just some things that are horrible.

I am also hesitant to blog about certain issues because of unintended backlash.  I have controversial thoughts on controversial subjects.  Some of my thoughts are not even the opinion that I hold, but they are thoughts that I have.  I value opinions and studies that are different than my own and what I have been taught growing up.  It takes me a little bit to work them through my head.  I have no problem playing the role of devil’s advocate.  I also have no problem admitting that I have opinions that are wrong or at least need to be developed more.  This is why I like blogs like The Parish because the author, Greg Horton, refuses to write anything that does not challenge you.  By no means do I agree with Greg in everything, nor do I think he want me to.  But he expects those who disagree with him to articulate why they do not agree with him in language above meaningless language.

There are so many issues that I get lazy with the context that give meaning to my thoughts.  I believe that I can say that I support gun control and gun rights without contradicting myself.  But I have to unpack what I mean when I say that.  Some people hear one part or the other and dismiss everything I say.  I struggle sharing my thoughts because I often hear people mention that my thoughts don’t work for them because that is not what they want to hear.  I am a little bit of a sucker for wanting to post things that people will respond.  That is why I generally post about football.  I feel that I am fairly knowledgable on the subject and for whatever reason, I get more responses talking about something so trivial than I do when I bare my soul.  I like the attention.  There is a part of me that wants to justify that it is okay to talk about Peyton Manning  because the views on the blog spike.  See what I did there?

Though I have technically received more views on my Former Pastor/Somewhat Minister series, they hurt to write, because I open myself to valid criticism.  Other than some temporary pride, who really cares who won the Super Bowl 10 years ago?  Those columns are easy to write and generate quick response.  That makes it easy to do.  Baring my soul about controversial topics that make me totally vulnerable scares me to death.  For about a year, I have wanted to share my thoughts regarding homosexuality, but I really don’t want to hear the criticism from both sides.  I know.  I’m a bit of a wuss.  I have strong opinions on abortion, but I shared an article once on Facebook where the author was a proponent of the practice and there were attacks on me for even sharing the article.  I have thin skin.  What if my thoughts/opinions upset people close to me?

The response is usually that I am either worrying too much about it or who cares?  “Well, I do” is my answer to both.  This is why I will never be a hard-hitting journalist.  I read all the comments and see everyone who “likes” my posts.  I also see all of my “former” friends on Facebook.

I guess this post is really me saying that I might share my controversial thoughts more this year.  I will just make my apologies now.  I’m sorry for all those that I offend ahead of time.  I hope we can still catch a movie or break bread together.  Besides, those of you that I do offend, you probably have offended me sometime in my past. 😉

The thoughts I share are mine.  They are not necessarily reflective of my employer or of my denomination of faith, or of my family.  They are mine.  Though I don’t think I have really been quiet about my faith, it is a huge part of who I am.  As shared in my last post, my identity is more shaken now than ever before.  One day before I turn 35, I am trying to piece together what it means for me to be me.  That is something I am very jealous of my daughter.  She can be herself and she does it well.  I feel like she is able to be herself better than I am able to.

Well, it is 23 hours, 53 minutes until I’m 35 (I was born at 12:04am).  I hope this day goes well for you.

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